Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Pregnant Lady Workout Thoughts

Today was a pretty humbling day. The superhero-esque vision I have of myself was crushed in one fell swoop. It was more of a crouch than a swoop, actually.

You see, I have continued to workout regularly throughout the 24 weeks and 5 days of this pregnancy. For the most part, I've been running - shorter and slower - but running all the same. Many of my workouts were completed with my track team. Sprint workouts. Strength. Distance. I was feeling pretty good about it all - pregnancy, schmegnancy. Pffffft. Piece-a-cake.

24 Weeks and all smiles.
I came home from work today and I didn't want to run. Sometimes, I just don't wanna. But I did want to workout. So, I put in my T25 dvd and chose the "Speed 1.0" workout - which is mostly cardio, stretching and stability. The opening jog sequence started and I was like, "Yeah, I got this. This video is sooo easy." Jog. Jog. Jog. Well, within the next two minutes - I realized something awful; I was going to have to do the modified workout.
NOOO! What. The. Eff.

You know what I'm talking about. While the rest of the fit "normal" people in the video are happily, effortlessly jumping around in their tight little bodies and equally tight clothes, there is one slow-poke off to the side offering a pouty "modified" workout. They're usually dressed in sweat pants and kicking a leg around listlessly or fist pumping casually while the others are doing the "real" version. Yeah, I was relegated to THAT workout. (Calm down. I'm not judging you if you actually like the modifications or you have to do them for whatever reason.)

I realized that I couldn't fake my way through the actual video when I attempted to do an "up and over." You know the move: an aerobic-y hop while popping your right leg up and over your left leg, toe touch and back the opposite direction. My belly got in the way! For real. My belly is not even that big! So I was like, "Um....ok. I'll just do it slower." I cannot explain how much slower I had to do it to make it even slightly looked like a weird stationary military march. And with that...I had to start following the Modifier, who suddenly became an enlightened genius offering fair and just treatment of those simply trying to muddle their way through this torturous collection of moves. Who thought of this crap anyway? 

How quickly our perspectives change.

I finished my workout. I got a little sweaty. But I felt a little defeated, to be honest. I'm pretty tough on myself when it comes to physical things. The thought, "That is too hard for me" rarely (never) enters my mind. I'm a cocky jerk about physical things - truth. Because of that, today was humbling. I called my dad and retold the story of my living room defeat - and he laughed at me. He said, "I can just picture the disgust on your face when you realized it." But telling the story and hearing him laugh about it all made me realize what this whole thing is about: I AM GROWING A PERSON. Sometimes I forget. My dad made me feel so much better about the whole thing and I was able to laugh at how ridiculously childish I was acting about it. 

Give yourself a break, girl! Do that slow-poke workout. Feel good about staying active and healthy and taking care of that little boy in there. He won't care how tough you are.

So, my fitness goals will continue to change as my body changes. I have no interest in becoming one of these "news-worthy" fit pregnant women (i.e. Crossfit lady) but I am also deathly afraid of losing my fitness - it is a huge part of my life and it always has been. I will stay as active as my body agrees to. I learned some of my limits today.

More power to her, but this is not for me. Just no.
In other updates, everything else is going pretty well:
- I am excited to be done with school in a few weeks - for a number of reasons (mostly, see previous post.)
- I am feeling like myself. If I couldn't see my belly, I would never remember that I'm pregnant.
- I am not gaining weight as quickly as I think I'm supposed to. 6 pounds so far. The doctor said she's not concerned so - neither am I, I guess.
- I wouldn't say I am having any weird cravings, but I do have a very real love of ice cream. And Honeynut Cheerios. And apples. And yogurt.
- No real symptoms to report, other than some crazy awful heartburn (aka - throat lava)
- I bought my first maternity maxi dress...because it was on sale and I like deals.
- We still haven't thought of a name. Well, we've thought of a thousand names but none of them are THE name. This makes me nervous.
- I can feel the little boo kick! Now - that is awesome! From what I can tell, he's going to be a nice little baby and a great runner. 


Sunday, May 4, 2014

Riding the Coattails of Mediocrity

I guess this post could be taken as off-topic. Not necessarily running-inspired, but definitely running related in the end.

You see, I've found myself surrounded by a certain level of mediocrity lately. Complacency. Negativity. Self-righteousness. Jealousy. And uglier yet, spite.

I have always specifically avoided conflict and conflicted people. I don't know if that is healthy or not, but I do not like to complicate my life. Many times, the path of least resistance is the one I prefer. Sure, you could call my avoidance some type of social laziness, but the fact is, I don't want to partake in the dirty underbelly of relationships. No thanks. I would prefer to keep the majority of my interactions naively positive, albeit superficial. (Cue: Don't worry, be happy.) 
Despite my best efforts to avoid problems, it seems that some people must cause conflict; as if it is in their DNA to stir the pot. I assume that these people are either wrestling with a tremendous amount of stress, depression or boredom. "Well, if I don't have anything to say, I can always complain." I can't justify negativity and dysfunction any other way. 

Oh my god. Just stop.
Lately, I have been slipping in my diligent efforts to dodge all the yuckiness. My walls came down for a brief moment in time....just long enough for the tentacles of negativity to get a momentary hold on my throat. That shit is more infectious than a yawn or a smile or a virus - certainly more stifling. One of the coaches on our track team reminds the kids every year, "Negativity is cancer to a team; it won't be tolerated." True that, homies.

Thankfully, I have the self-awareness to recognize that other people's insecurities have been affecting me. I have felt a weight on me that was stealing my motivation, clarity and happiness. Barf. No, thank you! I am better than that. Giving in to the attitude around me is mental laziness.

This is where running comes in. I swear, there is a different girl that lives in my mind and she only comes out when I'm running. I have great conversations with her. She's the honest, no-nonsense one that says, "Who cares what these people are doing? They don't matter."  Or "Why are you wasting your energy on this crap? You have important things to do that that don't involve petty BS." That chick is a badass. She reminds me to refocus, to regain the tunnel-vision that has always made my goals attainable. If you are a runner, you probably have your own resident badass that you look to regularly. (What would we do without them? Probably piss and moan.)

So - I had some of those pretty serious conversations (straight-up motivational speeches) with myself during my runs this weekend. I am looking forward to moving beyond the nonsense that I have let get to me lately. The fact is, haters gonna hate. I can't control the people around me, but I can control my own mind and my response. It looks something like this:

But seriously, nose to the grindstone. There are a million things that I am looking forward to, and I can't afford distraction at this point. The truth is, no one can. Whenever something like this gets me off-track, I am reminded that the devil is in distraction.  

Well, Mr. Devil, screw you. 
I have shit to do.
And I'll do it HAPPILY.